Just breathe…

Remember to breathe through it. Every moment of my life I have had to struggle to breathe. I don’t respiratory problems, no, I have stress issues. I stress over everything that seems a bit out of the norm for me. Today I have simple day. Work and Work. Two jobs almost back to back and since it isn’t apart of my usual routine I am freaking out. No amount of breathing and reading motivational materials has worked as of yet.

So I have telling myself to breathe, relax, and sleep. Yep sleep. I haven’t been getting that a lot, which is another reason I am not doing very well. How do I implement my plan? So many questions in my head…wondering how people manage to balance everything.

Breathe….in…out…in…out (Repeat forever)


So now what…

So I got the part time job. Woooo.

Do I seem excited, no, that’s because I am nervous as hell! My plan of action is happening. I set out to get a part time job so I can pay down debt and build my emergency fund. Now that it is happening, it is overwhelming. I don’t want to become super busy with work, but I have goals and I want to see it come to fruition.

My plan is to pay off my credit card debt (By July 2015), build my emergency fund (Covering six months worth of expenses by March 2016), pay off my car, and eventually start paying more on my student loans. If that can be done in a year and six months, I’m happy with it.

Still, the schedule is going to be intimidating to me. I believe in myself and I know that I want to accomplish getting out of debt. I just have to breathe and pace myself. It doesn’t have to be done in a year, it can be done in five. Just have to remember that.

Try, try, and try again

Take a chance. That is the mantra I am going with right now. Looking at the positive and understanding that there will be negatives along the way to ending goal.

I think my thoughts for my life have always stressed me out. I tend to try and do more than what my brain can handle, producing content that is sub par compared to my original plan and ideal picture. So how do I go about rectifying that?

I don’t.

In my case, acknowledging that my mind works in a different way is a step in the right direction. Yes, I want to be successful, but in order to keep growing as a person and dealing with stressful situations I have to learn to adapt. I can still keep doing what I am doing and still adapt to the ever changing world around me. Work. Life. Everything.

I recently ended a toxic friendship/relationship. I have posted about this guy on SEVERAL occasions and I felt that this back and forth was tiresome. I feel that we were both at fault for how the friendship/relationship was. After a few bickering and argumentative text messages and a push on my part, we ended things. It was amicable. I deleted his contact information and un-friended him; a major thing to do nowadays.

You Un-Friended him! Well you must be serious…Yep that is the time we live in now.

It was needed and even though I felt like I was losing a friend that made my friend list outside of Facebook dwindle, it was definitely needed. I am growing as a person. I don’t want to stress out on a friendship that was irritating and was becoming toxic or was toxic.

The same with my job. I am starting to become more focuses or in my case, I am starting to take my job serious.

SIDE-NOTE: I recently went to a panel on Librarians and the job hunting process. The average number that the applicants sent out applications was 85 resumes/cover letters! And some got called back by maybe 2-5 employers. It was scary and I knew immediately that I needed to gain more experience in case I need to appeal for a pay raise.

I am gaining more experience and respect for what I am doing in my position. Proud!

I am taking chances and losing that fear that has gripped me for years. Going for the gold! I can only try and if that doesn’t work, try , try, and try again.


A work in progress…

I am at a stand still in my career. I haven’t even started in my field yet, but I still have so much that needs to be done, but that overwhelming feeling that nothing will go my way in my life keeps bringing me down. That the plans I have set up don’t make sense and aren’t even possible, even though I know they are. I consider myself a go-getter when I have set out on a goal when motivated.

As of now, I have received confirmation that I have completed my e-portfolio (Which is just a fancy way of saying my Master’s program guided Thesis) and can graduate in Spring 2014 to receive my Masters in Library and Information Science. Three long years have paid off! It felt great at first. Looking back on the hard work and the studying and real world experience that I completed; however, I look back and I still feel as if I haven’t done ANYTHING. I completed two internships, I got a job in the library field, and I even completed volunteer hours to get experience working with children. Nothing. My social life and personal relationships put on the back burner to focus on my dreams; an actual career with a title. Something that I planned for, for over three years.

Then I realized that my “planning” was disorganized. The internships I had completed didn’t even work towards the field that I was pursuing and the volunteer work was basic admin stuff. I shelved books or baby sat a jungle gym or in some cases stood like a body guard. ¬†All my planning and goals were met, but not in the area that I wished to work in (Young Adult librarianship). The objectives were met for academic libraries and even though I work in a academic library right now, I know I would rather work some where else right now.

So what do I do?

I am NOT starting back from scratch. I guess I can do another internship; however, in my city it is so hard to even get your foot in the door for public service, especially as a librarian. We have the openings, but they come every so often and are very¬†competitive (They prefer to hire within…bastards!).

My classmates and co-workers have been “suggesting” that I start applying for jobs, but what can I do when I don’t feel I have the experience to handle the position described on application. I applied and won a job, the current job that I have now, and I have no experience in collection management. Those first couple of months were HARD. I felt overwhelmed and stressed. Don’t get me wrong, I have learned a lot and I can utilize the skills I am gaining in the future, but I still do not want to be in a repeat situation when I apply for a job as Youth Specialist in a library.

I have been reading several articles trying to gain an idea on what it is I can do to focus the skills I have right now. One article in particular was from Levo League “Land Your Dream Job Without Experience“. I know by the title I am basically contradicting myself, but I’m not! In this article it discusses researching the jobs that you are interested in, and picking out the skills they would want a perspective employee to have and seeing if you match. Basically transferable skills. Creating your own experience in the position and being patient if you don’t see success. This article is basically what I needed to kick me in the ass to realize that it’s what you make of it in the real world.

So I have started looking at the various job openings and researching the qualifications that are listed. I do meet some of the qualifications and I feel better when it comes to the skills I have and I am slowly understanding the skills I have not used in forever. One of the things I will be doing is creating a sheet that list all of my skills and detailing how I have exemplified each of those set skills in my job or in the real world. Slowly I am coming around to understanding how I can prepare for when I graduate and start sending out applications. As of now, I am not going to rush it.


Work and play

I can say with the most certainty that my trial run for this semester is sucking. I have been so neglectful of my plans that I have been focusing on work and play. How do women do it? How do people in general do it? Balance everything that they want to do in life when dealing with something heavy: Procrastination? It should be classified as a disorder or something. Balancing my calendar is like balancing a ticking time bomb. One wrong move and you shit is cold busted.

I have done everything on my goal list if I remembered to write everything down. I have done my second 5k, gone to the theater, and I am finished with part one of my workout. Basic and boring but done. Now it is time to get down to business.

School. School work is not what is supposed to be. I have already gotten two pretty bad grades and missed one discussion post. From now on I have to get A papers or else I will be dropped from grad school. I can’t do that. I have plans! Panic down graded. I will be focusing on my children’s materials class and trying harder not to procrastinate. I even found an article to write about. I just need to write the paper correctly. As a student we face the reality of focusing on our studies. It isn’t easy. Money needs to be made and life needs to be taken care of. Of course it is hard to remember what it is we are studying.


Just Breathe.

Maybe all this venting will help me get me head in order.

Maybe what is needed is to refocus on doing things one at a time.

A very busy bee

I am excited to say that I will be busy and productive over the next semester. If you are student or knows one, you know that with school comes work. Having the motivation can really be the stepping stone you need to power through the feed back that comes from friends, family, and life. I have so much I want to accomplish over the next semester that have to remind myself to breathe and take one step at a time. I am not like others, who can balance all and do all. I like to see where I am going and take a breather to see what my hardwork has gotten me. I watched an ep of Tia and Tamera and saw how these women have to balance so much, but are two different personalities whose idea of busy differs from the other. Tameras husband was great in telling her to look away from her priorites for a second and focus. I am trying to do that. I want to participate with the best of them, but I want to look away and focus on something else in life. A sport, a blog, maybe even volunteering. I know that I love being busy, but I still want to see the big picture after I am finished.

Ooooo today is a workday

I think people have questioned themselves on why they stay at their jobs. Various reasons pop up, some good and some bad. For me it revolves around necessity. I need one. I have bills and a book buying problem to keep up. Is that bad? No. Not to me that is. My job isn’t something I would brag about, but its a position. I have benefits and I in a somewhat stable envrionment. I’ve got the American dream. It’s just not my future. Working in a library is. I am just gonna satisfy my need for money and getter done. I will utilize my perky smile and bright optimism. Even though I have to remind myself to do this, it will still get me through the day. Everyone should try this or go on a wine and chocolate bender and since I don’t have either…this is what has to be done. Hehehehe