Remember to breathe through it. Every moment of my life I have had to struggle to breathe. I don’t respiratory problems, no, I have stress issues. I stress over everything that seems a bit out of the norm for me. Today I have simple day. Work and Work. Two jobs almost back to back and since it isn’t apart of my usual routine I am freaking out. No amount of breathing and reading motivational materials has worked as of yet.
So I have telling myself to breathe, relax, and sleep. Yep sleep. I haven’t been getting that a lot, which is another reason I am not doing very well. How do I implement my plan? So many questions in my head…wondering how people manage to balance everything.
Breathe….in…out…in…out (Repeat forever)
Constantly I am asking myself why am I in debt. I already know the answer. School, frivolous spending, and lack of accountability. I wasn’t smart with how I handle my money situations. I ignored it or blamed other outliers. Not the smartest and adult thing to do, yet I did. Now, I am 26, about to turn 27 and I am in debt with over 50k in student loan debt, plus my car loan, and credit card debt. This isn’t what I had planned. I had plans to get out of debt fast and quick. The student loans I knew was going to be heavy. My undergraduate and graduate degree are both apart of it. I am actually one of the few that could put two degrees on one loan,but I digress. I don’t want it. So I started a plan, a goal, a get out of debt goal. I have been up and down on it for months. I came up with spreadsheets and I have even started on the entire plan, but old habits die hard. My debit card is my go to and cash doesn’t hinder me. Honestly, even though I know I need to save every penny I see extra money and it’s gone. So that money could have been put to something else, instead I by stupid “necessities” that could have waited. Every little penny counts. So, now I owe myself money. Yep. That’s what I gone down to. IOU’s
As an adult, as a person, I know that I’ve got to make changes in my life…got to start somewhere though. I’ve started with my money. I am hoping that if I am able to get a part time job, I can at least knock off at least 6k for 2015. Let’s hope folks.
Concentrating. It is so hard to think and focus on what needs to be done. Like my body is playing tricks with my head “Hey, we’re tired. So, no productivity today. Ok?” Mean while midnight rolls around and my body goes into overdrive. Absolutely irritating!
I have so many school projects to do and I have a full weekend open to do it, but I have a hard time rolling out of bed and going to the library. When I do go to the library, with computer and books in hand, my concentration is gone. I am easily distracted and zone off towards other thoughts. When I have a deadline, yeah I work fast and furious, but these assignments are important. They need to be finished on time!
Why do I get so tired and un-motivated! What is with this! I don’t think I used to be this way.
I read an article about how personalities don’t change over time, the persons’ goals shift with age. So basically, they are saying that as I get older I will continually become an even more lazier person. WTF.
Now, for those of you who have read my posts, you know that I have tried to set myself up on goals and motivate myself time and time again and to no avail. What do you propose I do to get off my ass and work?
Should I wait until the last minute?
Should I create a to do list or place it on my calendar tricking myself into thinking the assignment is due earlier than said? (May end up doing this)
Or should I just take a breather and stop stressing about it, I just need to take my time.
My options are limited and those questions are not rhetorical. As of now, I want to relax and read the important materials so I can fully prepare and write a legit paper that isn’t rushed. Looking back at my previous work and thinking this isn’t what I imagine my genius would look like on paper. My blog posts sound better than the papers I have written. That isn’t great!
I can say with the most certainty that my trial run for this semester is sucking. I have been so neglectful of my plans that I have been focusing on work and play. How do women do it? How do people in general do it? Balance everything that they want to do in life when dealing with something heavy: Procrastination? It should be classified as a disorder or something. Balancing my calendar is like balancing a ticking time bomb. One wrong move and you shit is cold busted.
I have done everything on my goal list if I remembered to write everything down. I have done my second 5k, gone to the theater, and I am finished with part one of my workout. Basic and boring but done. Now it is time to get down to business.
School. School work is not what is supposed to be. I have already gotten two pretty bad grades and missed one discussion post. From now on I have to get A papers or else I will be dropped from grad school. I can’t do that. I have plans! Panic down graded. I will be focusing on my children’s materials class and trying harder not to procrastinate. I even found an article to write about. I just need to write the paper correctly. As a student we face the reality of focusing on our studies. It isn’t easy. Money needs to be made and life needs to be taken care of. Of course it is hard to remember what it is we are studying.
Maybe all this venting will help me get me head in order.
Maybe what is needed is to refocus on doing things one at a time.
All of this “Budgeting” is getting on my nerves. I am so over getting a car, that I am thinking taking a bus will satisfy me. It wont , but its less of a hassel compared to cars. Wondering about how much I can afford, model car, how new it is. To top that off, insurance! I can’t even think straight thanks to my own naivete about what it means to purchase a car. My main problem is money. I get sick when thinking about how long they want me to pay a car off. So I am doing holdover, so I can get a big enough down pmt. Then I get stingy. What can I say, my savings makes me feel safe. Growing up poor, no new car will ever make me feel as safe as my saving does now.
What to do? How much should I spend? What should I get? How do I stop stressing?!
Sigh…I want to stop focusing on this and get ready for school.
Wish me luck?
Things have been going good for me. I have a job, doing kind of okay in school, and I have decided on what graduate programs I want to apply to. However, I am still feeling stressed. Work is so hard and demanding and I am not used to that. I am trying to do well in school even though it is not the subject field that I am really interested in. I am applying to school, yet the whole paper thing is so difficult for me to really writ anything good, I understand why my friends decided to take it easy. I think that is what is making me so stressed. I didn’t take a break to fully grasp that I am out of school. Taking a break is just not in me. I personally believe that if I am out of school I won’t go back. That is the honest truth. I want to succeed and get my masters…So taking time off from school just scares me becuase that dream of success could fall through my fingers due to my lazyiness and lack of motivation.
I have decided to suck it up and just do what is best for me and my future. I will not be returning for any classes next semester and instead just focus on work and applying to graduate school. This saves me money and helps me de-stress from the added course load. I am going to do something entirely different, maybe volunteer more or take a language. Hopefully I will have learned how to drive and can do the things that I want without being on a bus for two hours. Yes two hours! I want to be able to do what I want without stress. Just have to do that without so much stuff on my plate. I am a light eater, I should know better than to overload myself with a lot of activities.