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My Trip to San Jose

I forgot to post pictures from my trip back home to Mountain View, CA. It was a fun, quick, and productive trip and I took LOADS of pictures.

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I keep forgetting

…That I have matured. I am still a spoiled young woman, but I am now taking responsibility for it or in my case I am seeing what I assume are my imperfections. I knew I was spoiled and that I didn’t always treat others the way they should be treated. Let’s be honest, I was a bitch to some nice people. It wasn’t cute and it didn’t come off as a classy lady, an image I would love to have for myself. It was just a young woman with no manners. Embarrassing. So I am trying to remember to take responsibility for my actions. Not that many people can say they do that, then again, they shouldn’t have to.

So the main reason for this post is to remind myself that I am maturing and that I will make mistakes as an adult. Why? Because I am human and that’s what we do. As I go through the stress of paying bills and the reality of the “American Dream” being defined differently depending the person, I will use these thoughts to remember to breathe and to remind myself that everything will be OK, but I will I forget.

I will, but at least I will have already acknowledge these thoughts for the future.

Right now I am planning for the future, again, in preparation of the time when I will have to start paying for those dreaded student loans. So now excited for that. We pay in arm and a leg on a subpar education and employers treat us as if the diploma is worth the status of a high school diploma. Sad that education has come to this, but that is a discussion for another day.

What I have been doing for the past two weeks?

Music:

Baby Metal: A J – Pop -Metal girl band. I know it sounds crazy, especially since these ladies are only between the ages of 12 and 14 years old. However, the music addicting. Some of the songs have ranged from sounds like Linkin Park to full on heavy metal or DDR music.

Some Beyonce!: I listened to her I AM…Tour album; not as good as the B’Day concert, but a solid effort.

Dan + Shay: I just purchased their album. I can’t wait! They sound like a less annoying Florida Georgia Line and I like that group. Right now country is irritating me. Everything is sounding the same.

Oh! Radio sucks! I was driving in my car and I kid you not, it has become the top ten over and over again radio. This is why I don’t like listening to the radio…stupid.

Some stray music not worth mentioning. I just listened to pass the time

Books:

Cardcaptor Sakura by Clamp: I loved watching this show as a kid and I was interested in broadening my interests when it came to reading, so I chose this.

Inferno by Dan Brown: It is a to be read and It will most likely stay there. I don’t know it doesn’t interest me right now. Maybe someone can help with that.

Games: 

2048: This may seem like an easy game, but it’s not. You have to add all of the tiles together to get 2048, the only problem is that you can’t maneuver the tiles to go a certain way. Very frustrating and addicting.

Frozen: Basically bejeweled but frozen. It was free, so I don’t care.

Watching:

Hulu: Anything that I have missed over the past two weeks

Orphan Black: I only watch this for Paul. Such a nice ass

The Mindy Project: People have been giving the spring session so-so ratings, and I can agree on some aspects (Mindy and Danny’s relationship, but it’s realistic), but it is super funny! Way better than New Girl.

Youtube Videos (Of course): I am now watching the Nive Nulls. Super cute family that vlogs daily together. I saw this couple and my first thought was “They are an interracial couple”. Awesome! Don’t get me wrong, I like men of all of races, but I tend to sway to the white chocolate, but I have felt that at my age, it isn’t gonna happen. Cue the violins. But it’s true! Anyway, this family is just beautiful and down to earth. I couldn’t do the daily vlogs. Nothing happens in my life.

Daily Life:

I worked majority of the week and caught up on some projects, BUT Saturday it was on!

My friend Jen and I went to the foodie fest on the strip and then headed to the mall to see a movie. I think that entire day would need a blog post. However, I am exhausted, I watched Marvels and I didn’t go to sleep till like 3:30am. I work at 7:30am.

Foodie Truck FestFoodie Fest

That’s it folks!

 

Video Blogging

Get an idea in your head after seeing something amazing? I bet a lot of us do that. Inspiration strikes and we want to started creating. My mind has always had that issue, where I get an idea and all of my thoughts start to run haywire. I get antsy and wierd. I also procrastinate and get lazy. Like my brain is telling me to just stop before I fail.

I have a fighting spirit though.

My new and creative idea isn’t really new. I have been wanting to do this for years. I want to create a vlog. A video blog that I can confess to. I have felt that I could get more off my chest if I could just see it and hear it. My emotions not just on paper, but face to face. After seeing a few of the youtube superstars of video bloggers, I realize how much I still want to do it, but I want to do more.

I want to create a place to blog about:

  • Books – My thoughts, reviews, to be read, what I want to read…Pretty much a Good Reads, but on camera
  • Travel – Discussions about places I have traveled (nowhere), where I want to go, and ideas about booking a vacation
  • Fashion – Not really, but maybe. I really don’t care enough
  • Self Esteem – Understanding the power of being myself
  • Love – No explanation needed. Just that it can happen or we can all just enjoy being single
  • Pretty Photo of the week

These are just ideas, but in reality they are seldom likely to happen. Like I said, I tend to procrastinate. I love to blog and post photos, quotes, links on my social media (Twitter, Tumblr, Facebook, and WordPress).

Right now I am looking at BookTubes for ideas on how to prep myself to do book reviews online. Trying to gain suggestions on how to have a successful channel. I think if I try hard enough, I can really have fun with this.

Friendships change

I can say that my friendships have changed. Sometimes I just don’t want to make the effort. I don’t want to see people. Introvert and anti social I would describe this. But really I hang out with new people and I like it. It scares me, but its different. It is something that I needed. Need. However, I know I am neglecting people who care about me. Defensiveness came out I full force when I feel that I am being guilted by people who haven’t seen me. I tend to look at neediness as a turnoff. Which is a trait I tend to have. I get scared that someone isn’t paying attention to me, so I try extra hard to get their attention.

This is how it is for some people I know. They instead get irritated if I don’t see them at least once a week. I thought that was weird. If was thinking two weeks was doable, apparently not. It disappointed me. That my efforts to see people was being looked at as half ass. So…I guess they were right. Maybe I just stopped carrying about spending time with them.

A self realization is that I am selfish and I only care about what I want. I should and will stop that. I don’t want to be the girl with no friends. I don’t want to be the girl sitting at home lonely with nothing to do, to scared to really step out on her own or make an effort to hangout late.

Heck! I took the bus late…why can’t I drive late as well? Well I get tired easily. So that’s a reason, however, I can still try.

There is a part of me that just likes to piss people off, letting them know they didn’t win. In the end it’s me that loses. I am the one stuck at home bored…yea wrong game plan.

I have to start making an effort.

Friendships can last…

Right?

Yes. Yes they can and I will be one of the few who does it.

Work and play

I can say with the most certainty that my trial run for this semester is sucking. I have been so neglectful of my plans that I have been focusing on work and play. How do women do it? How do people in general do it? Balance everything that they want to do in life when dealing with something heavy: Procrastination? It should be classified as a disorder or something. Balancing my calendar is like balancing a ticking time bomb. One wrong move and you shit is cold busted.

I have done everything on my goal list if I remembered to write everything down. I have done my second 5k, gone to the theater, and I am finished with part one of my workout. Basic and boring but done. Now it is time to get down to business.

School. School work is not what is supposed to be. I have already gotten two pretty bad grades and missed one discussion post. From now on I have to get A papers or else I will be dropped from grad school. I can’t do that. I have plans! Panic down graded. I will be focusing on my children’s materials class and trying harder not to procrastinate. I even found an article to write about. I just need to write the paper correctly. As a student we face the reality of focusing on our studies. It isn’t easy. Money needs to be made and life needs to be taken care of. Of course it is hard to remember what it is we are studying.

Breathe.

Just Breathe.

Maybe all this venting will help me get me head in order.

Maybe what is needed is to refocus on doing things one at a time.

Vacations are like unexplained math problems

I love to be away from it all. To visit and see new and exciting places for just one bit. It seems I wouldn’t know how to do that if it hit me in the ass. Planning that is. I have so many ideas of where I want to travel, but this thing called procrastination withholds me from completing it.

Sad. Really sad.

So I have taken some time off to do 5ks and to go to concerts. However, those are in town. What about out of town?

Where do I go for a real vacation outside of my comfort zone?

New Orleans
Colorado
California

Different festivals and exciting venues occur in theses areas…I just need to step it up a bit.

Self esteem and moving on

I have to say my Friday night was one for the books. A bust. My good friend Kara-lyn invited me to a Lock and Key event. An event that mixes and mingles singles for a hour or two. The girls have the locks and the men have the keys. For the rest of the night the men and women work to meet other people while trying to “unlock” the lock around womens neck. Awkward and weird at times, sometimes fun. It was successful for Karay-lyn, not for me. I felt alone and weird. The youngest at the event, along with Kara-lyn. The people there were OLDER then 35. It was more like 35 nad up event. Sigh…I just didn’t like it. I always thought I preferred older men, but my maturity level was not up there. I didn’t feel like I was in my element. At least I tried right. The event would have been great if it had a truthful age limit. No one felt pushed to meet people. Or maybe it would be best to just go the natural way. Meet people in real life or some real occasion.

I don’t even know what that means! I just know that meeting people in my life that my friends knew would seem…well, normal.

Normal is what I want and what I need. Don’t know if it’s what I like though.

Maybe that is something else I need to find out.