My self realization moment.

So after much reflection, I have realized I am not a great as I thought I was. To be honest, I suck. I was thinking about how I interact with others and the amount of weird and childish antics i put out is ASTOUNDING. I mean, I cross my arms a lot and I refer conversations back to me about what I’VE been through and it is seriously sad. I keep harping about how I need to know myself and all that BS and well it ain’t so pretty. Now I want to make a difference, but how do you move forward from a self realization like I just made.

I DON’T KNOW! I really don’t. This year is about living with intention and grace. My two words of the year. They are great and I support them in my life wholeheartedly. I just need to understand what I should do to start changing. So far, I have started to listen more and stop offering half ass advice and just listen…listening to what the person says the first time around, instead of having the Oh shit! That wasn’t really good advice later on. Live. Live life and accept the past and move forward. Moving on sounds so weird, like “Oh Hey! I don’t care anymore. Not even gonna acknowledge it”. Moving forwards seems like I am acknowledging it and I am going to more forward to not make the same mistake.

It’s not that bad when I think about it. My life could have been suckier if I actually did half of what I wanted to do in my life, but I am glad that my voice of reason has gotten stronger and wiser and less stupid. So, I am gonna move forward. Add that to the list of life goals. Accept the past and move forward. Yes, shit happened. You can dwell on it or do something about. I chose to do something about it and I better FUCKING do it!!!

P.S. Today seemed like a good day to curse. I had so much frustration, saying fiddle diddle didn’t seem like the greatest idea.

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