Shi**y life is okay sometimes.

So did I actually learn my lesson in how I treat others?

The answer is yes. I wanted to say no to be cheeky and sarcastic, but it will have a lie. I haven’t been a good person over the past year in the friendships I have taken for granted; nor the relationships with those close to me.

My reality of being known as a nice slowly fading away to a know-it-all, self absorbed, whiney girl. I used to be able to look myself in the mirror and see a young women with potential. However, after years of low self esteem and self inflicted emotional abuse, I realize that I need to start looking within and really change for the better.

I am not trying to preach that I will “change my ways”, but that I will start living better. It is one thing to eat better and exercise, but to start being a better person, that stops judging others simply because she is insecure herself.

Hypocrite.

I am trying not to be like those girls back in high school. It’s weird, but I am having recollections of what happened to me in high school and how girls who everyone “liked” was a complete bitch, but still had friends. I feel like they would have felt. Insecure and a bit heartless. That isn’t me. Yes I am sensitive and a bit neurotic, but that’s me. Realistic has made me hard.

Everyone seems to go through a shitty stage in their life. Some last longer than others, but do people really change from the shitty to good? or Good to shitty? I have seen people evolve from absolute revolting human beings to full on God Fearing (Nothing wrong with that. Although, I doubt God will ever forget the sins you have committed. Better to admit them and make amends.). It seems possible for people to change. However, how they go on that journey is beyond me.

Personality

Event

Spirtual awareness

Loss

Gain

So many reasons why people change for the better or for the bad.

You’re probably wondering when I took a turn for the shitty. Easy, I kept getting screwed over and the anger, resentment, distrust, and all and all being fed up with it, led me to that place.

I still remember when I slowly started drifting away from my then best friend. It was hard to consider that person friend when they were on  a destructive path. It was just hard for me to take on. I look back and feel that I abandon her. Even though she abandon me; but that isn’t what friends do.

People evolve and they change along the way. Gotta learn to take a break and look around yourself and ask yourself “Do I really want to be this way?” The answer might surprise you.

 

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