** Disclaimer: Depressing read
I wouldn’t say I was depressed. Not exactly. I feel down. I always feel this way. Its become a norm for me. To fell as if I sank even deeper than before in despair. So much stress and drama I have around me that I created is my own reality.
Sometimes I look back at pictures and I see myself at a time that I wasn’t happy either. Like my life will never be satisfying. When it does get to that sweet point of satisfaction, I ruin it with inspiration and over thinking of motivation that I don’t have.
Today I am feeling the usual loneliness and minimal stress from school. Bitterness. Anger. Disappointment. I know it will take me a minute to get out of it, but I usually do. Not gonna lie. In my head I have so many ideas of what I want to do to get out it. Workout. Create. Complete my homework. And you know what I will most likely do? read smut romances, watch YouTube, and listen to music, and sleep.
Like a broken record. Where my mind, body, and soul are so freaking stubborn that they refuse to work together to get me motivated.
Maybe a vitamin will help.
Or maybe I will just ride this bout out.
My optimism has never left me. My stubbornness refuses to let go.