That alone factor

Have you ever felt as if you are the only one in the world. It is as if no one is there. I have (or I used to, before I pushed everyone away) friends. Nowadays,  I have become a hermit.  A loser. I just find it awkward to have people around me. Starting conversations and trying to seem interesting or even interested. I’m not. I am bored and insecure. Insecure that people are genuinely interesting in what I have to say. I have ideas about going out, but boredom and fear wins out. It’s like I really and a contradiction of myself ( I want, but I won’t).

The way I have treated people makes me sick, it really does. I have pushed people away, due to my inability to deal with the fact that they are popular and more outgoing. My maturity level has gone down, along with the fun.

A change has to happen…

I just don’t know where to start or how. How do I start going out more. I have no friends. The friends I do have , have varying interests. What can I do?

Do what they want. Stop being so selfish and enjoy the ideas thrown out. A great idea, that I hope to follow one day.

Maybe this loneliness and lack of an inner circle will go away.

I don’t know anymore. I don’t know anything right now.

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