I can say that my friendships have changed. Sometimes I just don’t want to make the effort. I don’t want to see people. Introvert and anti social I would describe this. But really I hang out with new people and I like it. It scares me, but its different. It is something that I needed. Need. However, I know I am neglecting people who care about me. Defensiveness came out I full force when I feel that I am being guilted by people who haven’t seen me. I tend to look at neediness as a turnoff. Which is a trait I tend to have. I get scared that someone isn’t paying attention to me, so I try extra hard to get their attention.
This is how it is for some people I know. They instead get irritated if I don’t see them at least once a week. I thought that was weird. If was thinking two weeks was doable, apparently not. It disappointed me. That my efforts to see people was being looked at as half ass. So…I guess they were right. Maybe I just stopped carrying about spending time with them.
A self realization is that I am selfish and I only care about what I want. I should and will stop that. I don’t want to be the girl with no friends. I don’t want to be the girl sitting at home lonely with nothing to do, to scared to really step out on her own or make an effort to hangout late.
Heck! I took the bus late…why can’t I drive late as well? Well I get tired easily. So that’s a reason, however, I can still try.
There is a part of me that just likes to piss people off, letting them know they didn’t win. In the end it’s me that loses. I am the one stuck at home bored…yea wrong game plan.
I have to start making an effort.
Friendships can last…
Yes. Yes they can and I will be one of the few who does it.