My heart felt like it had been wrung dry. I did know I could feel this way. Alone. I am ok with myself alone, but my thoughts immediately run to my future and I realize that a part of me wants to have a secure family life. I want what everybody has. It scares me.
I got my hope up liking men that have no interest in me. It’s not their fault. I am just not their type. It could be the obvious: looks, wierdness, loser status or that they feel no connection. I am learning day by day on how to be happy alone or at least tolerate it, but I am only human and I can’t help feeling depressed.
I am proud of my accomplishments. Just want to share them with someone. Not family. Not best friends. Someone who is there for me beyond that level. A learning curve til I fully pass in being alone.