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WTH

I have made some mistakes when it has come to relationships (this would be in the singular form, since I have only had one), but I was really proud when the dumb relationship/friendship I had ended a few weeks ago. Then all of sudden they text back and say they want to hang out.

So basically they ended the friendship because apparently I was playing games and then pouted for three weeks!

I think it’s time to start blocking people. A great gift from my phone company.

I like(d) to read

We all like to read. Well, not all of us. There are times when reading just becomes mundane. Better options are available in various forms of entertainment. Those of us that place a higher value and impact on reading tend to advocate it as if it is the most important aspect of our education. Then there comes a time when even for the most avid readers, reading becomes a lost art that they keep trying to grasp at. To retain the love they once had for it, along with the comfort that it offered. That’s what’s happening to me. I have heard that a person can lose their love of a passion they once coveted it. The thrill is gone B.B. King once sang in a bluesy way that explained to the listener of the heartbreak he has at that moment in time. I feel the same way.

Everytime I try to pick up a book that I feel is interesting or was recommended, my jaded and fried brain tells me no! just skip to the end. Ruining what was bound to be exceptional story. Online comments and reviews also have impacted my reading process. I love to know what others think about a book. To gain an insight into the characters so I am not surprised by what will happen. It lessens my heart ache for the characters I have invested my thoughts into.

Life imitating art. Since I can’t skip to the end, might as well do it in a book, right? Wrong.

Books still offer me comfort. I can read an adventure and if it doesn’t involve Heartache, sappy romance, bullying, or a mono tone narrator I am good. Picky.

So far I have decided to try to read classics. Maybe this will change my habits. No. I can barely finish Harry Potter. I know…a freakin tragedy! Maybe I should try to just read a book that strikes my fancy and challenge myself.

Who am I kidding! As I write this post, I have tried everything! I have tried different genres, age groups, everything! Audiobook, ebooks, and print. Nothing.

I just have to realize that my love of reading has died for now and it will not come back until a book comes along that I am genuinely interested in and one that wasn’t recommended to me( everyone’s reading it…i.e, stupid peer pressure. Don’t tell me what to do!). I just have to let nature take its course.

If only i could skip to the end of this bull crap! It would make my life easier. You try living in a place where books are EVERYWHERE!.

 

Passion: Bucket List

So I was working on my bucket list for what I would love to do in my life and one of the items I ran into on another list was ” Pursue your passion”. I don’t think I even have a passion in my life. There isn’t anything that I have wanted to do. I fulfilled my lifelong dream of going to New Orleans and it was ok, not perfect. Now what?

pas·sion [pash-uh-n]

noun

‘A strong or extravagant fondness, enthusiasm, or desire for anything: ex. a passion for music.’
I used to love reading. Now I can barely finish a book. Music will always be something that I love, but it isn’t what I want to pursue. Now I am at a loss. What do I feel actually strikes up a strong or extravagant fondness? Food? Money? Nothing. At this moment, nothing.
Maybe thats whats wrong with my life. I don’t have a passion for anything. I am just living life. Trying to survive it all.

Try, try, and try again

Take a chance. That is the mantra I am going with right now. Looking at the positive and understanding that there will be negatives along the way to ending goal.

I think my thoughts for my life have always stressed me out. I tend to try and do more than what my brain can handle, producing content that is sub par compared to my original plan and ideal picture. So how do I go about rectifying that?

I don’t.

In my case, acknowledging that my mind works in a different way is a step in the right direction. Yes, I want to be successful, but in order to keep growing as a person and dealing with stressful situations I have to learn to adapt. I can still keep doing what I am doing and still adapt to the ever changing world around me. Work. Life. Everything.

I recently ended a toxic friendship/relationship. I have posted about this guy on SEVERAL occasions and I felt that this back and forth was tiresome. I feel that we were both at fault for how the friendship/relationship was. After a few bickering and argumentative text messages and a push on my part, we ended things. It was amicable. I deleted his contact information and un-friended him; a major thing to do nowadays.

You Un-Friended him! Well you must be serious…Yep that is the time we live in now.

It was needed and even though I felt like I was losing a friend that made my friend list outside of Facebook dwindle, it was definitely needed. I am growing as a person. I don’t want to stress out on a friendship that was irritating and was becoming toxic or was toxic.

The same with my job. I am starting to become more focuses or in my case, I am starting to take my job serious.

SIDE-NOTE: I recently went to a panel on Librarians and the job hunting process. The average number that the applicants sent out applications was 85 resumes/cover letters! And some got called back by maybe 2-5 employers. It was scary and I knew immediately that I needed to gain more experience in case I need to appeal for a pay raise.

I am gaining more experience and respect for what I am doing in my position. Proud!

I am taking chances and losing that fear that has gripped me for years. Going for the gold! I can only try and if that doesn’t work, try , try, and try again.

 

Status

I’m weird. When I’m stressed out, I tend to rush out into productivity mode. I want to complete every project out there that I feel I NEED to complete, even when I know I will probably burn out from the stress.